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10 mins to go

I have a few mins be for I have to leave to do pact time so I thought I would drop a line. This last week has been good, Aron and I have been doing better though I have STOPPED doing somethings I used to. I know I didn't post about it but my birthday was a BAD day. I am not going to get into too much detail but believe me when I say I wanted to hurt someone the next day. And only one person would have fit that place. Since realizing how much slack  I do pick up and the fact that I don't need to be working so hard for the crumbs I am getting in return I have put a hold on somethings and I feel better for it.. 

He has been noticing this, and has been well picking up where I left off.. I am still at this moment very upset, and will be. I want love, I want trust!  I don't want to just have a lover. What I want is a best friend someone I can be confident to confide in, someone who see's who I  AM, all of me and wants me just that way. I want to be able to love him and trust him with no doubt that he trust and love me the same, I want to know he would rather be by my side then be anywhere else with out me. I don't want to be pushed away or hurt, if he is scared or confused I want him to be able to share with me and work through it. I want all this with Aron! But if things don't get better and stay better, I will have to give that want up, Because I don't know if its a guard he has up or if he really doesn't care for or love me. I know people are different but when I love someone I want them to be happy and know it, I don't want to hurt them or make them feel pain. If you love someone you want the best for them.. 
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October 2012

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